19 Sep Dr. Forcehimes
There are very few times when I feel like being called “Dr. Forcehimes,” and it’s never related to a professional setting.
When on a business call and someone introduces me as such, there is an extended pause where I think, Who is that? A doctor is on the call?! I wonder who! It’s never been central to my identity and has always felt foreign.
There is one exception to the usefulness of this title, and that is when I’m wanting to make a point quickly with someone who I’m not feeling happy with or when I’m feeling threatened in some way.
This week a threat came in the setting of my five-year-old’s, Emma’s, gymnastics camp. She was attending from 8:30 to 12:00 in the half-day program so that I could have a few uninterrupted hours to get work done prior to her coming home and napping for the afternoon. The FAQ sheet informed parents that lunch should be packed, regardless of whether kids were only staying half of the day. Lunch seemed early, and Emma really liked the idea of us having a special lunch together, so I included a note indicating “Emma may eat if she is hungry; if not, it is completely fine for some (or all) of this food to come home. Thanks! Alyssa (Emma’s mom)”
At the end of the week, following a performance, in which Emma and fellow campers displayed their skills, Emma’s instructor came up to me said “You’re Emma’s mom, Alyssa, right? Will Emma be attending next week?”
“No,” I replied. “She is back to her Montessori school next week.”
The instructor added, “Oh—okay, Alyssa—well if she does come back for gymnastics camp, I know you wrote that note, but she really should eat her lunch with the group. They are doing tumbling and absolutely need nourishment by 12. They are using so much energy because their bodies burn a lot of calories running around. Know what I mean, Alyssa?”
I stared—blankly—angrily—thinking to myself that I wanted to lash out and lecture this instructor about what, exactly my 5-year-old “needs” and what she certainly does not “need.” And, what the literature says about forcing kids to eat when they are not hungry.
Instead, I reached my hand toward her with a subtle smile —“We haven’t formally met,” I say, coolly, “Nice to meet you—I’m Dr. Forcehimes.”