18 Nov Blue or Yellow
Sometimes I am called upon to consult on very important and time-sensitive matters. I received one such request very early one morning this week, before I even had my first cup of coffee. There was urgency in the tone. I knew it was important.
It sounded like this: “Mommmm!”
It was Ella, and she was asking for help deciding between a blue dress or a yellow dress for a fall music performance her teacher was coordinating over Zoom.
Ella frowned as she held up the two dresses, one in each hand.
“Well,” I said as I sat down on her bed, “you have lots of dresses, and you’ve narrowed it down to two, so how about telling me what makes these your top choices?”
Ella put the dresses down next to me on the bed. “I want to look fancy, and these are both fancy. The blue one is comfortable and has polka dots, but I wear it a lot. The yellow one is brand new and has sparkles, but it is a little itchy.”
“Okay,” I replied. “So it’s a decision between comfort and polka dots or brand new and sparkles.”
I paused.
“Yes,” Ella continued, “but I want to be comfortable because I’m singing. Actually…” she said, grabbing the blue dress off the bed, “I’m going to wear the blue dress. Never mind, I figured it out. Thanks, Mom.”
I smiled as I walked out of her room.
Yes, sometimes I’m called upon to consult on very important matters. Yet I continue to find, whether it’s clients contemplating behavior change, my children picking their clothes or friends thinking about doing something new, when most people seek consultation, they don’t actually want advice at all. They just want someone to be there while they speak their thoughts aloud.
It may take a little while to get there, but deep down inside, most people already know the best choice for them. It may be keeping things the same and comfortable. Or, it may mean changing in a way that feels a little itchy.
The answers already exist within us. The best kind of consultation simply draws it out.