22 Dec Hitting a Wall
On our last trip to the library, Ella picked out a children’s book explaining funny sayings used in the English language, such as “in a pickle” or “a frog in my throat.”
We were looking through the book after dinner on Friday night. It had been a long week. I felt like I had poured all of my energy into the weekdays and I was depleted. Languishing is the word I’ve heard used to describe this feeling of stagnation and tiredness. The absence of energy. My physical energy was exhausted from early mornings and late evenings. My mental energy was spent from looking at a computer screen for too long. And I was feeling emotionally drained after news of yet another Covid variant.
But it was nice here, sitting next to Ella and laughing together about the ways to use certain idioms. She turned the page and read the next phrase: “hitting a wall.” In the cartoon picture, a man had run into a brick wall and was leaning against it with a dazed look on his face.
I pointed to the picture. “That’s how I feel,” I told Ella with a little laugh as I put my head on her shoulder. “That’s okay, Mom,” Ella said, patting my hand. “Sometimes you can use walls for leaning on and resting – just look at this little guy. He might have hit a wall, but now the wall is helping him.”
She was right. I didn’t need to fight the exhaustion or attempt to break through the wall. I could just notice the feeling and lean into it. Rest against the wall. And recharge.
And that’s just what I did, as I shut my eyes and fell fast asleep.