06 Apr Where do you want to go?
While driving down a busy street in Phoenix, I was playing that maddening game we sometimes play with a car next to us where we slow down and speed up, attempting to move into the lane the other car is in.
Today’s game was particularly frustrating. I would speed up and the car next to me would speed up, too. Then I would slow down and the car next to me would slow down, too. I looked over with a scowl and was surprised to find the other driver scowling right back at me.
After a minute of this synchronized speeding up and slowing down, our cars stopped side by side at a red light. I glanced over at the other driver again, wondering what this person was doing and feeling annoyed that they were making this lane change so difficult for me. I was growing especially anxious since I was now dangerously close to missing the turn for a much-needed caffeine stop.
How could this driver be so rude and not let me in? I grumbled as I sat at the traffic light. It was then I noticed I didn’t have my turn signal on. There was no indication of where I was trying to go or what I was trying to do.
Without this blinking indicator, there was no way the driver could have known my wishes for an iced latte. When the light turned green, and now with my turn signal on, the other driver slowed down to let me in. I watched as their car, also without a turn signal, quickly zipped into the lane I had been in, barely making the entrance ramp to the freeway. The driver took one last opportunity to throw their hands up at me, exasperated that I had been blocking their way.
This driver and I had been at cross purposes, neither of us playing by the rules. Thinking the other person could somehow read our mind. And in doing so, we had unintentionally gotten in each other’s way.
When we don’t let people know where we are trying to go, it’s hard for them to give us the help we desire. And when we don’t know where others want to go, it’s hard for us to respond in a helpful way. It’s only when we make our wishes known – “This is what I’d like to do, help me get there” or “I understand where you’re trying to go, and I will help you make that happen” – that we can be most helpful to one another.
There are so many ways we can go – changing lanes to stop for a cup of coffee, getting on freeways, professional and personal aspirations, ways we can work with people considering change. It’s surprising how much more effective we can be in offering and receiving support when we’ve taken the time to establish clear direction.