20 Jul Preparing to Listen
I spent a long time before a conference call yesterday thinking about the things I would say. I reminded myself to mention some recent relevant research, thought about some questions I wanted to ask and considered the position I thought we should take. I was prepared.
As I punched in the dial-in number, feeling organized and ready, I glanced down at my list of notes I’d prepared for the call. It was then that something occurred to me: nowhere in my pre-call planning had I thought about preparing to listen.
We spend so much time preparing to speak. We recognize the value in thinking about what we want to say and how we want to say it. If giving a presentation, we go over our notes again and again and practice our speech in front of friends and family. When preparing for our next conversation with a patient, we spend time reviewing what transpired during the last conversation and thinking about specifics we want to cover.
But how do we prepare to listen?
Preparing to listen involves a decision: to bring the purity of our attention to the person we are talking with. Instead of being focused on our own experience and inserting our own ideas, we make ourselves available to be with another person’s experience and meet them where they are to address their current needs. It involves refraining from distractions inside and outside of the conversation and approaching with an uncluttered mind.
Preparing to listen isn’t about having the most perfect words, clever questions and an agenda ready to go. It’s a choice you make to be available and fully present in the here and now.