02 Nov My Mind is Fighting with Itself
Those lucky enough to be shopping near the frozen food section at Costco last Saturday stumbled upon the greatest sample station of all time – snack size chocolates. Individually wrapped bars were arranged on a tray for those passing by to try.
The line of people waiting for their turn to choose a chocolate was long and getting longer. It crept slowly forward. And then, it halted to a stop.
A little boy stood on his tiptoes next to the sample cart so he could see the chocolate options. His hand hovered over the tray. The Costco employee managing the table was gently trying to move him along, saying, “They are all delicious – you can’t go wrong! Who cares which one you pick when it’s chocolate!”
The little boy’s hand went down toward his side. He stood up straight and looked up at the woman, his eyes big and sincere. “I care a lot,” he replied.
His hand went back above the tray, moving back and forth between the Twix bar and the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Part of him wanted one choice while at the same time wanting the other. Both options looked good to him – yet, choosing one meant excluding the other. The task of contemplating possibilities was overwhelming.
The little boy, perhaps recognizing that the woman was about to nudge him along again, looked up and softly said, “My mind is fighting with itself.”
It’s a delightfully clever way to describe the experience of ambivalence. Evaluating the positives and negatives of choices is an internal struggle, with each point often triggering a counterpoint. The work of ambivalence often does feel like our mind is fighting with itself as we talk ourselves through conflicting thoughts and feelings.
Small and big choices confront us every day – to start, to stop, to continue, to choose between. So many important life decisions are made in the murky space of ambivalence. It’s a privilege of choice we each have to think, decide and shape the path ahead.
And the little boy? All that thinking must have made him hungry for something more substantial. He decided to skip the chocolate and have a taquito sample instead.