12 Apr The Simple Act of Waiting
”Pause,” instructed our teacher, a retired police officer. “Just for a moment before you move forward.” We all nodded, hearing the warning for at least the tenth time. He spoke of the horrific accidents he’d witnessed when drivers zoomed ahead as soon as a traffic light turned green, colliding with cars that failed to stop at the red. He wanted us to wait a moment longer to avoid such a fate.
We were a few weeks into driver’s education, a group of 15-year-olds nervously preparing to get our driver’s licenses. I jotted “pause” in bubble letters and boxed it in with an arrow as a reminder that it would likely be on the upcoming test.
In the years that have passed since driver’s ed, I’ve forgotten some road rules — like how many feet before an exit ramp to signal or what certain signs mean — but I haven’t forgotten the pause. At a red light, I reflexively count to two before pressing the gas.
I can’t say for certain if those extra moments have saved me from an accident, but I know the pause has saved me in other ways. It’s helped me let silence fall in a conversation, taking a moment to understand what someone means before responding. It’s kept me from prematurely cutting off someone’s exploration or silencing the details they were reluctant to share. And it’s given me a chance to consider whether my words will be helpful or hurtful before I react.
Just because the light turns red doesn’t mean cars will stop. And just because someone stops talking doesn’t mean they’ve finished communicating or that we are ready to respond.
Much can happen (or not happen) from the simple act of waiting. In communication, the pause is a powerful part of the music of our speech; a rhythm that creates space for thoughts to take shape and conversation to grow.