30 May Setting Words Down
When German composer and pianist Ludwig van Beethoven was asked about his method of writing by a fellow composer in 1822, he shared, “I carry my thoughts about me for a long time, sometimes a very long time, before I set them down …”
Even when Beethoven set particular notes down on the pages of his sketchbooks, he wasn’t fully committed to his choice. This began his slow and painstaking process, involving numerous corrections. He would write a sequence of notes or a chord, rework it, and cover it up again with strips of paper affixed with sealing wax. Scholars examining his sketchbooks found layers upon layers of revisions covering his music.
What’s fascinating is that when experts carefully peeled back those layers, they discovered Beethoven’s final revision often matched what he had originally placed there.
He had come back to where he started, his first uncertain note.
I like thinking of Beethoven setting down these notes cautiously, being unsure, and finding that he often returned to where he began. It reminds me of the process we often go through when we are considering making changes in our lives. We carry thoughts, sometimes for years. These small kernels of change begin forming in our mind and need encouragement before we feel ready to set them down as words. We hesitate before we say them aloud.
When we finally do voice them, it’s tentative: “I might want to do this,” we say softly. “I have some reasons to do this…”
Sometimes, surprised to hear our own reasons and wants voiced aloud, and especially if pushed in a direction or at a pace we aren’t ready for, we quickly cover those words up again. Point triggers counterpoint.
“On second thought,” we say, “Things might be fine just the way they are.”
Just like Beethoven, we contemplate change by setting down our words and covering them up again and again. Layer upon layer, we debate within our minds—or sometimes out loud if we are lucky enough to have a supportive listener—whether to move forward with a change we are considering.
If, after deciding to make a change, we could peel back the layers and look at the words we set down and covered up over and over again, we might realize we often return to where we began.
Most of the time, like Beethoven’s original note that he returned to in his final version, it is where something in us knew we needed to go all along.