27 Nov Calling Ourselves Forward
A few days ago, I stopped in front of a bulletin board at a coffee shop. At the top of one flyer, in large letters, it said Be a Helper.
The flyer described a program in which volunteers send a few encouraging text messages each week to someone who might be experiencing social isolation. Simple enough. Helpful and kind. I stood there longer than I expected, holding the corner of that flyer, thinking about signing up and wondering if I actually would.
This is a familiar pattern for me. I think about doing something helpful. I intend to get involved. And then, more often than I would like to admit, I do not follow through. I have been trying to get better about this, moving from good intentions toward small, real actions.
There is a study from Harvard that explains some of this human tendency and what helps people move toward action. Researchers found that a tiny shift in wording makes people about 33 percent more likely to follow through. Instead of asking someone if they could help, they invited them to be a helper. Just two letters, “er,” turning the word from a verb to a noun, but it changed the way people saw themselves. When an action feels tied to who we are, not just what we do, we are more likely to do it.
As I stood there with that flyer, I felt that tug. I want to be someone who reaches out. Someone who follows through. Someone whose identity lines up with the good intentions I carry around in my heart. I want to be a helper.
This shift in words works in the small corners of our lives too, especially on a day like today.
If you are rushing around as the Thanksgiving cook this year and need something done in the kitchen, try inviting someone to be a helper instead of asking for help. If you are talking yourself through a long afternoon in a challenging social situation, try naming the person you want to be: I’m a listener. I’m a problem solver. I’m a contributor.
The words we choose tend to lead gently toward the actions we want to happen.
Wherever Thanksgiving finds you this year, cooking, gathering, resting, or deciding whether to grab a flyer of your own, I hope the day gives you a few small chances to live out the identity you are reaching toward.